Tips to use a “Do Something List” to explore who you are right now.

New Year, New You, right? 

But, what if in the middle of all the goals and resolutions, you have no idea where to start to find “YOU?”

Lists of all kinds are great, but they won’t work if you don’t know yourself well. 

So, if you’re in that spot, you want to change but aren’t ready for goals, or want to supplement the lists you already have in place, prioritize the list that changed my life: The Do Something List! 

Before I was ready to get back into list-making, 6 years ago I needed a path to explore who I was. The Do Something List (DSL) began as a way for me to discover and uncover “ME” outside of the all-or-nothing model.

I haven’t seen anything like it talked about anywhere else. It changed me, and it can change you.

If you’re looking for a way to grow outside of the all-or-nothing model, if you want a pressure-free way to challenge yourself, if you’re looking for “more” in your life that can be both realistic and exciting, the DSL is for you.

Do you want to write your own “Do Something List?”

Join me in this episode to hear my best tips AND listen to other Progressors who have benefitted from the DSL, too. 

This year, you can create a new kind of list: a list that will help YOU progress by doing something to discover and uncover “you.” 

(See my current list and past lists: 2021, 2020, 2019, 2016.)

About a few other things...

Reclaim your creative power and rediscover who you actually are! If you’re ready to come back home to yourself, to be able to say that you know who you are and what matters to you, take my foundation course, “Finding Me.” It’s OK that you’ve lost parts of yourself along the way; but as you learn to anchor back into who you are and align your life to what matters to you, you’ll find that you have more strength, more fulfilment, and more creativity to bring to your important roles and responsibilities.

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TRANSCRIPT

I love the fresh start of a new year. New year, new you, right? Except in a season of goal and resolution list-making what if you have no idea where to start to find that new you? I know this feeling well, and that's why today I am going to help you prioritize the list that can supplement the other lists you are thinking about making or replace them all together.

 I had a bit of a volatile relationship with list making. Whether it involved goal creation and tracking those goals or resolution making, or even just a day planning session, a system like to-do lists up until a few years ago, I was all over the all or nothing map when it came to making list of any kind. I remember as a teen that my orthodontist had this amazing prize program. If you brushed your teeth really well and wore your elastics and your neck gear correctly. And of course, I, as a seventh grader with braces, had my eye on one of the latest electronic devices to hit the marketthat was one of the potential prizes ,and it was the Palm Pilot. This was basically a way to make electronic lists. If we look at that old Palm Pilot, that's basically what it was, but you better believe I collected all the points I needed for that Palm Pilot. And I was convinced that it would help me get my whole life in order.

And once it was finally in my palm, I became obsessive about tracking my time and my productivity. It almost became a full-time job for me as a 12 year old. In fact, it eventually proved to be a little too time-consuming and so much so that I gradually wasn't really able to prioritize the amount of dedication I had in the beginning.

And I dropped off using it. The Palm Pilot gradually took residence somewhere deep in my closet for years alongside all the planners that I got and used for short spurts of time with that same type of energy as the Palm pilot, and gradually drifted off using.

Now as far as goals and resolution lists were concerned as a teen, both were made with so much Gusto, typically at the beginning of the year, usually on New Year's Eve looking out at the stars and the imagining the person I was going to be by the end of the year.

And what those lists all became for me were instead just dependable ways for me to berate myself every few months when I pulled them out and bore witness to all the ways that I have failed myself.

I struggled so much with the all or nothing swings I had with lists until in college when I finally achieved Nirvana with list-making because I was able to finally do the ALL part of the all or nothing pendulum swing and all the time.

I had goal planners. I had day planners. I had lists. I lived and died by all of them. I set big goals at the beginning of each semester and I tracked my progress religiously. I achieved so many amazing things because of them. I had almost straight A's. I was on the Dean's list over and over.

I got a full academic scholarship for years. I was admitted to Phi Beta Kappa. I don't even know if that's how you say it. It's a prestigious national honor society and I'm still not quite certain it has any real meaning, but I was admitted to it.

But even though on the outside, I was achieving so many incredible goals I had for myself thanks to my very dramatic and diligent list-making, on the inside I was a complete train wreck. At this stage of my life at 20 years old, I began a fight for my life because of eating disorders. Yes. Plural. And with them, massive depression, panic attacks, and suicidal ideation.

 Going after list-making with the ALL mindset came at a huge sacrifice. Almost every part of me had to be let go and then remade piece by piece year after year. So in my years-long pursuit for recovery, I scaled way back on list-making. In fact for over eight years, I didn't dare make a list of almost any kind. I was decidedly on the nothing side of that all or nothing pendulum swing.

And I was scared that if I made a goal or if I even planned my day out, or if I try to have some resolutions, I was working towards progress for myself. I was scared that making any of those things would only land me back into that obsessed with achievement mindset that had taken me into that dark mental pit I had worked so hard to climb out of.

 But I was wrong about those fears. In my avoidance of working towards progress, because my fears, I was taken to the very place I was afraid of. Just like I experienced with the all side of the all or nothing, pendulum swing. I experienced it with the nothing side: the depression, the attacks of anger and the confusion over who I was and why my life even mattered.

Do you get stuck in those all or nothing cycles of self-improvement and with them list-making of any kind? Is your relationship with goals and resolutions and day planning as complicated as mine? And are you similarly lost in knowing who you are, because it's so hard to find the middle ground between compulsive achievement or defaulted apathy?

On the show I've often shared the story of me realizing it was time to work towards progress outside of the all or nothing model. It all began six months before I turned 30, when I was in that dark pit. Again, I had three little kids and overwhelming life of responsibilities I was trying so hard to meet, but feeling like I wasn't actually living a real life in the process.

I knew something had to change. And soon. I knew I wanted to change. I wanted to feel challenged and to feel fulfilled and to most importantly, to feel like myself again. And this is when I made a new kind of list, one that I had never heard of. And also one that I had no idea would change my life, but it did.

I felt drawn to making a list of some kind, but one outside of goals and resolutions and day planning. I knew I wasn't ready for that kind of development yet, especially without really knowing the progress model that I'm calling it now. I had heard of bucket lists before, like going bungee jumping and traveling Europe or kissing a stranger and the Eiffel tower. But any of the bucket list kind of items felt both unrealistic to my current life, but also vacuous of what I was really missing. And I was missing ME.

So instead, I created a list of 30 things I wanted to do before I turned 30. At the time I called it 30 Before 30. And none of what was on this list was aspirational in the way that the world would praise. Nobody would search for my list on Pinterest or celebrate it in a viral article that spread organically amongst humanity. No, instead my list was full of mostly simple ways that I could bring back parts of myself that had been lost with the all or nothing model. It was full of ways. I could explore who I was now and who I wanted to be in the future.

On my list, I had things like cook or bake 30 new recipes, go to an art museum, take an adult ballet class, try five new local hikes, take a day off for my responsibilities, it was something I called a mom day, read 20 books and more. But more important than what was on my list was what the list was for. It was for exploring ME.

And alongside that purpose, just as important, where the expectations that I gave myself going in to going after the list, I had full permission to mess up, to not complete every single item, and to change my list as needed. It was all about progress, not perfection. And that's actually how we got the name of the podcast.

Giving myself permission to focus on doing something, not all, not nothing, provided me both a path to not only find myself again, but to find a new model of progress that showed me the power of small wins building over time. In those six months as I messily checked off one thing after the next, I found that it didn't matter how well I did them. It mattered that I tried. I felt this weird sort of growing confidence in me and a sense of knowing and a gathering of fulfillment that not only surprised me, but that gradually changed my life.

This list is now something I call the, Do Something List. I've made one almost every year since that first list. And each list has been different and reflective of the season I was in the needs and the wants I had during that time. But each DSL, as we're calling it, each DSL has served as a way for me to not only find more fulfillment in my day to day life they've also helped me better become who I really want to be.

And a surprising side benefit to this growing sense of self and fulfillment is that I've also gradually found myself applying that progress model I was learning from the list to other types of list making. Over the last six years, I have become an avid goal maker and resolution resolution lister and day planner.

When you are full of your true self, you'll find it opens up a way to grow better into that self and some of the traditional list-making ways that you might be drawn to doing right now. This is what fulfillment can do for you.

Do you want to better know who you are? Do you want to have more confidence and more everyday joy and fulfillment? Do you want to improve your life in ways that are both deep and meaningful, but also pressure-free and inspiring. Do you want to practice a model of doing and becoming that is outside of the all or nothing pendulum swings?

 Then create a Do Something List. Your DSL is designed to help you do something, not all, not nothing, but to do something, to find ways to be full of your true self.

This is the type of fulfillment that not only helps you anchor into who you are, but also helps you practice the process that we know here in this community of small wins building over time. And once you experience the power of the small wins with your identity. You will find yourself better able to apply that same progress to all other types of ways that you can potentially improve yourself goals, resolutions, and to do lists included

After the break, I'm going to give you my top tips to creating your own DSL. And as a special treat, you're going to hear from some progressors from this community and their tips and experiences with their own. But first, a quick word from our sponsor.

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Okay. I am so excited that you're thinking about creating a DSL or at least I'm trying to convince you of it. But before you start, or maybe you've done it in the past and you're ready to do it again, I'm going to give you my top three tips on how to create your own DSL.

The first tip is to remember that the focus is all about uncovering and discovering.

Sit in this a little bit with uncovering. What parts of yourself do you want to bring back the parts of yourself that got lost along the way to you becoming a very responsible adult human? What parts of yourself do you want to bring back? Creativity, nature, music, art, being really smart, reading. I don't know. That's uncovering.

The next part is discovering. This is where you explore parts of yourself ing the present and the future that you would like to connect with. These are new ways of discovering who you are. I can think about this in terms of what do I see other people doing that I'd like to try? What hobbies am I really curious about? What things do I wish I could do, but think it's too late. That kind of helps me get the ball rolling. So uncover and discover that's the purpose.

The second tip I have for you is to consider the season you are in now. Consider what you want right now? What do you need right now? What values need to be more a part of your life? When you are accounting for the season you are in, that can give you a good framework for the DSL, because it's less about the shoulds. And it's more about this time and this season. It also gives you some flexibility because each desk DSL is going to look different for each person, but for each person, each DSL is going to look different.

So every year I do this, it's different because of the season I am in. Think about how you want to feel, and you really can just make it that simple about your season. How do I want to feel in this time?

 My third tip for you is to set parameters and you can do this in three ways. The first is to set a parameter for the length of time this DSL is for. Is it for three months, six months, a year? I personally have found the most success when I do it for a year, but many in my Strive Hive community and others that are in our community have shared that they like to do it quarterly or every six weeks. So decide how long the DSL is for it. That's one parameter.

The second type of parameter you should have for your DSL is to have a certain number of items on your list. If you have that number going into it helps you whittle it down a little bit better. I usually recommend between five and 20.

And the final way you can set a parameter, a set, a limit for how long you are going to spend in creating your DSL. This can go on for weeks. Do not feel pressure to make the perfect DSL it's allowed to change. For starters, it can be flexible . In 2020, I changed mine three times, but what I want you to think of is to give yourself 20 minutes to work on it. And that's it.

If you'd like more help in creating your DSL, I have some resources for you and they're all linked in the show notes. First, you can see all the DSLs that I have made in the past. And those links are for you in the show notes and you free to borrow any of mine that call out.

Second, I would consider listening to episode 311. It was the first episode of 2021. And you will hear a workshop that I taught to my strive hive members about creating their DSL for the year.

For a step-by-step guide, you will find that in the course "Finding Me." I have a whole bonus lesson dedicated to the DSL and a special guide that has helped hundreds of women create their own DSLs.

And finally, the next level is with the Strive Hive. This is where we live out "do something" both with the Do Something Lists and our mindset as we strive for daily progress and fulfillment. The doors are open now to join up until January 31st. And I don't know when we're going to open the doors again, you can join us by going to about progress.com/strivehive again before January 31st.

And speaking of the Strive Hive, we are now going to end the episode by sharing some voices of Strivers. These are Strive Hive members and some of their tips and experiences with the DSLs that they have created. These are excerpts from a recent workshop style masterclass. I taught with the strive hive as they created their DSL for 2022. And these are of course shared with permission.

Kate:

"My tips were for following through with a do something list. My first suggestion is just to have the list easily accessible. Print it out, put it up, stick it in your purse. Stick it in your planner. I have an iPhone note, a Google doc or some combination. The idea is just to know where it is and to have easy access to it both for practical reasons. So you can quickly find it, but also to keep the items fresh in your mind.

"But one of the biggest factors that helped me follow through with my list was actually putting items into my calendar. So that might mean literally scheduling time to do something like an outing.I want to go on. Or for the cooking items on my list, it meant looking at my list when I was doing my menu plan and actually putting those items on my menu plan or it could be setting a recurring appointment on my calendar for things I wanted to do regularly.

"Like one of my items was to take more courses. One of the best things about an online course is you can take it whenever you want. That's also one of the worst things about an online course is that you can take it whenever you want. And if it's not in my. I didn't do it. So, you know, for finding me for example, and I did it, I had a block of time Sunday morning. That was the time I took the class. Like it was a real class.

"A key part of follow through was that I treated the, do something list items on my calendar like they were real appointments. It was always tempting for me to get rid of the stuff on my calendar that was for me when things got busy, but I learned that I have to treat appointments with myself like they are appointments with other people. I don't reschedule unless there's a real reason to move something. And if it needs to move, that's fine. But it moves to another day on my calendar. It does not disappear.

"I also use routines for those recurring items too. Sometimes my list was about doing things more frequently in my life. So putting it in a weekly or monthly routine helped or block of time. So for example, I wanted to cook more with my kids. I picked a default day of the week that I cook with my kids. That changes sometimes, you know, sometimes it doesn't happen. That's okay. But because there's the default, it happens more times than it doesn't.

"Sometimes the routine is just a small burst of time. It might be 10 to 15 minutes just to push something forward. You know, Monica will tell you small wins build over time. And I really found that true. The 10 to 15 minute block actually worked really well for me on a lot of the items.

"I also think it's really important to have a plan to regularly check your list and reflect on it. So it could be weekly, monthly semi-annually, whatever works for you. For me, I check my list once a week when I'm working on my schedule for the week. I see if there's anything I can add to my calendar. And then once a month I'll do a deeper review.

"And my last tip is to not underestimate the power of accountability. You know, having an accountability group or partner can really help. And I'm going to be honest, I used to think accountability was silly. I viewed myself as self motivated and did not. It was necessary. But it really does make a difference. And we all know that from being a part of the Strive Hive just if it means posting about what you're doing and having motivation to do it because you're posting or if it means just having the community that supports you every time you have a small win or a big win. Or, or, you know, sometimes my biggest scariest thing on my list, believe it or not was cooking something with yeast. And Monica helped me figure out what I was gonna make. Cause I was totally putting that one off. So just having an accountability partner or a group can really help."

Rachel:

"So my two items were a tip or two on creating a DSL. And my first tip was remember that this list is different than. Other lists that you come up with this time of year, do something, unless it doesn't have to be like a grandiose bucket list. But it has to be something that makes you feel like yourself. Not like you're trying to be someone you're not. And I kind of like to go back with what Monica said earlier with the uncover and the discover. I put down they uncover would be like your past self, so it'd be coming back to yourself. And so those are things that you could put on your list, but the other part that discover is developing future parts of yourself. So that's like the growing into yourself. So you want it to be both comfortable, but also a little uncomfortable.

"And then my last tip is momentum. So something that I did last or I've done last year was with cooking and also reading books. I realized that once I started doing it, it just became more natural and it just became easier. And it was less about the numbers. It was more about just getting in the momentum."

Kelly:

"So, what I wanted to share was what I did for the Do Something List to track it. And I wanted to say what worked and what didn't and how I tweaked it.

"So I don't know if you guys remember, but I did a bead jar, right? So something that is big for me is I like to know that something is happening. I like to know I've accomplished something in the midst of my day. Right. So I love the idea of the beads just to show this is how things are going. Right. So anyway, so my original jar was this jar, but it didn't have any labels on it. I had this little notebook where I was tracking. What I actually did as I put in the beads.

"So a great idea. It lasted about a month, which was great, but I think I got overwhelmed by. Trying to write it all down at the end of the night, like to actually sit there and try to remember everything that I did.

"So anyway, and I wanted to kind of figure out something different for this time that would stick with me more. And so what I did this time, I'm taking my do something list and I'm dividing the things I want to do based on my five values that I got from "Finding Me," and now I've made my do something fit into those categories, which I love and I'm super excited about.

"So I have the categories listed on here and I actually did label the jar drops of awesome. I don't know if you guys have read that article, that's called drops of awesome, but that anyway, I love that that's what each of these little things will represent. And then on each category I actually have.The do something that I want to work on.

"And so I came up with the other way, I will keep track better, which is I'm just going to have it on my phone instead of in a notebook, because I have my phone with me all the time and I did it in Trello. I've already made it. And so I think it'll be super easy to just track the things that I'm doing and it'll, it'll fill up on my Trello. And then at night I can just go to my Trello and drop in the beads. So anyway, I think, I think it will work, but it was really fun to go through and think about my new, DSL for the next quarter. So anyway, that's, that's what I'm doing."

Taryn:

"Okay. So I just kind of wanted to share what the DSL has done for me. I really truly feel like it has changed me in so many good ways. Writing things down gave me internal permission to do the things that I always wanted. But I didn't think I had the time to do them, or I thought that I had to do all the to-do's first before I did those things. And I'm finding that the reverse is true.

"If I am creative about bringing those things into my schedule and into my routine, I actually have way more energy and more commitment to my other roles and responsibilities. I find that I'm more energetic. I'm happier.

" Doing the laundry, the dishes, all those "blah" things. It's not such a big deal because I'm feeling fulfilled and I'm feeling excited about who I am and I'm feeling content with what I'm doing for myself. And again, I have more energy to bring out or to take care of those other things so that they're not weighing on me anymore. It's just check, check, check, get it done. And then I still have more time for myself afterwards.

"I wanted to kind of touch on something that Rachel said where when you're bringing something back that you haven't done for so long it kind of feels like you're overindulging. I remember when I first started reading again as a kid, as a teenager, I read constantly. But as an adult, somehow I set that aside and I just didn't anymore. So when I started reading again, my inner bookworm was absolutely starving. And so I was reading constantly like every spare second I had, I was reading. And now that I've got it more into my routine and because it's a regular part of my routine, I can read a chapter here and a chapter there, and it's not like every second, so I don't feel like I'm overindulging anymore.

"But I found a balance with I'm reading and I'm enjoying it versus I'm reading and I'm putting other things off because I'm reading instead. And so it's helped me find an internal balance of taking care of myself and looking for those other things. And again, just finding creative ways to bring those things back into myself, to remember who I am and how I am and why I am. And that again, just gives me more energy to bring to my other roles and responsibilities as well. So I just loved the, Do Something List."

There, you have it. My friends, I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants that you need to grow. And more importantly, I hope it gave you the inspiration and know how you need to create your DSL this year. In the show notes, I have a full list of all the resources I mentioned in this episode, including my DSL for 2022. Your Do Something Challenge for this week is to create a DSL. And if you do, I'd love to hear about it. I want to spotlight many of you in this coming month on the show, and I'll be paying special attention to those who have something to share about the DSL. So you can DM me, email me, or just share about it.

I really want to have your voices on the show as much as possible this year, especially with your real problems that you're facing in your life that all of us can relate to. So would you consider calling in with your questions, go to about progress.com/callin to learn how.

I want to thank you for listening and for sharing the show. Don't forget to join our sticky habit challenge at aboutprogress.com/habitchallenge. And now my friends go and do something with what you learned today.