How to determine your passions, take back your power, and live your purpose.

We sometimes confuse our passions and our purpose, so what is the difference and why does it matter? Podcaster, coach, and passions enthusiast Nikki Innocent breaks it down for all of us in this interview. If you're struggling with this, feeling like you lack the time to pursue passions, let alone purpose, then this is especially for you. By digging deep and finding what lights you up, then growing those seeds, you can live in full alignment with your values - this is how to nourish your passions into your purpose.

Nikki shares six steps you can take to break free of some common traps, such as people pleasing and hustle culture, or other obstacles keeping you from finding your passion. Tune in to this episode for the permission to get to know yourself and the tools to take back your power. As Nikki says, "This isn't about perfectionism. This is literally about allowing yourself to live and breathe and be yourself and hopefully live a life that is uniquely you, that you can really feel excited about when you go to bed every night.”

About a few other things...

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TRANSCRIPT

Monica: [00:00:00] NIkki. I'm so happy to have you on About Progress. Thank you for being here.

Nikki: [00:00:03] I am so stinking excited. Thank you for having me. 

 Monica: [00:00:08] Let's just go back to the root of being human, which I think really is just this longing to be made for more, to feel like your life matters and that there's substance to it. And that you're here for a reason. We're going to be talking about passions today with you.

And before we kind of go into the discussion, I was just curious about your own cross  roads with this like your own path to figuring out that, Hey, this is something I want to like, I, I, I want to feel like I can have a purpose and passion in my life. And just a little bit more of your story that way.

Nikki: [00:00:40] Oh my goodness. So the word passion is one that I think is such an interesting word that depending on what your relationship with it is, you've either are like all lit up about, about it. Or you're kind of rolling your eyes, like yeah. You all tell me, I should find my passion everywhere. Sure. Great.

Yeah. But my belief is, is that everybody really does have passion within them. And that passion can change. It can be a really big juicy, every move that you make in your life, every thought that you have is around this big passion, or it can be something small.

 Specifically more talking about passion and I know purpose, to me it's what keeps you going? What lights the fire, what are your light up moments and what keeps you moving forward? And so I lead with all that because I will tell you for a good 30 years of my life I didn't really know what.

The passion and purpose of Nikki was. I knew what people told me equated to happiness or success or being good at something looked like. And so I followed so many kind of external formulas for what happiness would look like and happiness and passion and purpose all wear the same thing because you know, it kind of feels like fairytales.

 But what I realized was I was showing up and doing well and like all of the things on my personal and professional resume, all those boxes were getting checked off, but that kind of internal, internal metric of like, Is my cup getting filled here?

Am I able to sustain any kind of energy? Am I in relationships with my family and my friends in a way that I want to be?  That water jug wasn't getting filled up. And so five years ago I actually got to a spot where I was realizing that I was going at the problem the same way every time.

I kind of had this moment of, I don't have any more energy to even pull. I burnt out so hard that. I can try 17 different ways to do this, but really all 17 different ways are the same. I was thinking about this. It's the same character, but different costumes. Like what if I just actually understand who the character is rather than trying to be somebody else in different clothes.

And so much of my path in these last five years has been really connecting back to like, Younger version of me before all the social programming before the like, here's how to be a good student. Here's how to be a good, I guess, employee be a good friend and whatever that quote unquote good is like, that is just how to be.

I always think about it as like being a robot of what people think is the way to do it, rather than really listening to the internal passions and the purpose that shows up in sparks in me differently than other people. I have a podcast called checkbox, other those things that I am other or different, or maybe even too much for this world about if those things, instead of being something I need to shove to the side so I can become a better robot.

Instead, if I leaned into those things, What would show up and how would I live my life differently and how might I actually have energy that sustains itself. That discovery and that belief has been something that I think has been showing itself to me through my whole life.

And I may or may not have paid attention at different times, but I also think that it's something that you don't just get the answer one day and then you're done. It's something that is constantly apart of your progress yeah, about progress here. And so I think that it's something to not make yourself feel like you have to have that mountaintop moment that you find it all as good.

And it's all downhill from there. It's really about understanding how that shows up for you and trying to really tune into how that shows up, because it'll show up in different parts of your life when you get used to it. 

Monica: [00:04:16] Yeah, I love how you just described that. That's something I was just talking about with coaching clients and fact that, you know, we're never done, like when new Heights, if you're into hiking, which I am, you know, you get well, cause I live next to the mountains when you get to a summit.

You think it's the summit and it's not, there's another one usually behind you, unless you're on Everest and that's kind of the excitement. If you really just embrace, Oh, this isn't a one and done thing. It's not just going to come overnight or it won't just arrive perfectly either. It's going to be a constant uncovering.

Then I think you give that gives you permission to just explore it in a different way. I was curious, I think people who are listening are probably going to think, well, what's the difference between passion and purpose? Are they synonymous? Does passion come first? Is it separate? I have some thoughts, but I'd love to hear yours. , 

Nikki: [00:05:02] I feel like passion is the thing that's like that. And again, maybe it's just how we use it in the English language burning part. Right. That thing that is kind of undeniable. It can be something that your brain doesn't necessarily register, but your body might be telling you. in our language, we tend to really make synonyms of things that aren't and what ends up happening with a lot of that is that we dilute so many wonderful words and so many wonderful meanings. So we can easily, you know, just like shortcut, right? Not actually have to feel the emotion or feel the clues and feel the body's wisdom as we're learning these things.

And so I feel like passion, at least for when I work with clients and for my own personal journey. Has really been when, like I got to know how my body lights up and how, like, even I'm sure as you're listening to this, you can hear, there are times when I get, first of all, I have like a smile on my face when I get excited about things.

Right. I can't control that. I talk really fast. I get really excited. And those are things that my mind isn't actively being like, Oh, here we go.  Let's do that. It's it's just part of how, when I'm feeling passionate about something, this stuff shows up. Once I understand how that shows up and trust that.

 But I think purpose is actually trying to figure out how you can apply the things that you know and learn about yourself, about the world, around you to really foster a situation where your passion gets to live and breathe and grow.

 I think the part of passion that's so beautiful is that it has this opportunity to be so contagious. It has this ability to really amplify other people and bring other people along and  light fires under other people or light movements that go forward. I have this belief that, you know, there's a, there's a reason that you have that passion and there's a reason that you are uniquely who you are in this world, because it actually is going to make a difference whether you see that or not just by living your life, the way you're meant to you have this ripple effect everywhere.

So, yeah, passion to me is that kind of. I guess kind of the unconscious piece of it, but it's like, try not to meddle too much allow that to be what it is and trust those things that are showing up for you. Those light up moments. And then the purpose part is like, how can I apply that? And how can I actually allow myself to understand, okay, if I define my purpose here, but it's not actually lighting me up after I do, maybe I need to find out what that purpose looks like differently.

Monica: [00:07:22] And I love that we've come to this knowledge, both, you know, individually on our own separate paths, we might use different language for one of the things we kind of said a lot on about progress lately is to look for the seeds. And that's kind of what I think we're connecting on. Passion in your language is like seeds in my language.

Like looking for those things that light you up, that help you feel like yourself. And as you lean into him, then you can consciously live them out. I, I adore how you set that up. I know that a lot of women are afraid of the word passion, just like you said earlier, because it does seem either too much or too out there or not possible for them. Like how can I have passions when I can barely wake up at a decent hour, get to bed at a decent hour, take care of myself, my responsibilities. Where's the room for that? What would you say to that woman? 

Nikki: [00:08:12] There's a part of me that wants to go like full on soap box of all the reasons that that that's showing up for you, because there's a whole lot of external features that are telling us as women to clamp down and tamp down those things that show up for us that they are too much.

They are too, you know, when people talk about being too woo or being too kind of outside the box, we're not really there. There's a lot of aspects of women's leadership and feminine leadership that, you know, I do a lot of work in that are really tapping into that. But before I dive into that, so folks, I want to acknowledge the fact that we are in a time and a place that this like hustle culture, whether it be that you're hustling to get like everything on your to-do list done, whether that be that, you know, you've got to pick up this from here and that from there, and you've got to be all these different versions of yourself throughout the day to please everybody's needs . So really this is why I always try to focus on when I talk to clients, I'm like, It doesn't need to be groundbreaking.

Initially the point is to really find what makes you excited? What, like gets your engine to turn up a little higher. What makes it feel like maybe if you've been driving your car and it feels like the emergency brake has been up and you're like going against the resistance, what makes it feel like that has eased a bit?

So it doesn't necessarily need to be like, I am amped about everything. What just might feel like there's a little bit more space, because when we're constantly looking to find the one thing, it is also very much like we were talking about, about like, trying to find the perfect path to the summit of the mountain.

It's the, how do we find our one happily ever after? And we're again, so often trying to do that through someone else's formula that will make us feel like there's something flawed in us instead of realizing that, like that path is the part where you're going to learn the most and that path is uniquely yours.

 Instead of trying to like pick up 150 pound dumbbell the first time starting with two pounds, start with two pounds and understand what it feels like for your bicep to learn that muscle movement. So for whatever your passion muscle is or your purpose muscle is, or whatever you want to call it.

Learn what it feels like, even if it's a really easy lift, get familiar with that feeling so that when the weight starts getting heavier, you have the capacity to do that without, you know, over straining your muscles or also without exhausting yourself for the rest of everything else you need to do in life.

 The world is a place right now where there is so much being asked of us,  it is something to be acknowledged and honored, but also that there's still room. There's still ways that your body is showing up and lighting up around you each and every day, even if you're not completely aware or conscious of it.  

Monica: [00:10:38] In about progress, speak, I guess we call that, "do something," you know, you just do something, you, you start somewhere and you, and you start small and you build and build and build.

And it's more about just looking for those signs of recognition, like you said, where you feel like yourself. And one thing I kind of keyed into is you're right. When I think about passions, I think about high energy and like lots of work and like really going for it. Lots of sacrifice. And I'm hearing different from you in ways that are really comforting. It can be about slowing down and settling in.  That's revolutionary to me. 

Nikki: [00:11:13] Oh, good. I come from a place in my career and in my life that like I had to have all of the bullet points ready. I had to, you know, do the work, have the answers to the questions before anyone ever thought to have the questions. I studied abroad in France. I learned the French language in school and my father's from Haiti.  But it makes me think of kind of the French way of living your life to enjoy it.

And to really like, not be hustling all the time to be able to go and have that lunch, where you're going and having a wonderful meal with other people. but you're actually taking a moment to soak in what would be simple in life and allow that to actually lead to where your passion and your purpose show up as well, and allow your interest that you can be.

You can be a full blown human. You don't have to just be one version of yourself to show up in the world. And we've seen it play out over the last year in certain ways. We are now having to reinvent how we operate each day and we had to do it like, you know, the drop on a dime.

Right. That we have the ability to really look at, look around and say, okay, what is actually important to me? Like I've been taught to operate at 150 miles an hour, but do I need to, does that work for me? Is that healthy for me? Is that healthy for me? And the people that matter to me is that how I want to move forward.

So I think on an individual level, but I hope, and I think we've been seeing it on a collective level too. I think we're being we're in a spot where we have to kind of reassess how will we want to show up in the world so it can make room for us to actually make this life worth living.  

It doesn't need to be all or nothing. It can feel that way. And I think as we are trying to shove everything into every moment of the day, we feel like if we miss one of those moments, we are a failure. This isn't about perfectionism. This is literally about allowing yourself to live and breathe and be yourself and hopefully live a life that is uniquely you, that you can really feel excited about when you go to bed every night.

Monica: [00:13:06] And I'm even thinking how much having passion, which I really feel like is just being yourself and having things are interested in that you find fulfillment and joy in,  it adds so much to those responsibilities and roles. So let's say, you know, and this is for motherhood. This is for work. You know, you would be missing, you would be missed, I think, is that the actual word.

Like if you're living a life of. Self, like a strong sense of self. And living that out with passions, you can bring that to your work, to your parenting, to, to your faith, whatever it is. And, and that is something that will not be replaceable. Like someone else can come in and fill the literal to-do shoes, but not you. And that's the, actually the part that you can take with you and put into a different role and a different season and a different circumstance. So that way you're not left scrambling too. 

Nikki: [00:13:54] For sure. And for any of the people pleasers out there, hello, I'm with you. I got it. This can be scary that you feel like, you know, but I'm holding so much. And if I put it down, other people are going to be let down by that. There is something that is so again, so beautiful about people witnessing you live in that full sense of yourself. The thing I have learned is you have no idea who's watching. You have no idea who's influenced, influenced, impacted by the decisions that you make to get closer to who you are.

Monica: [00:14:24] It's not just for you. The ripple effect is as far and wide, deep and far and wide. So I think a lot of women are feeling a lot better now because they're like, okay, this is within my reach. This is something that I can want and I do want, but then now I don't know where to get started. So, so what's next?

Nikki: [00:14:44] I created an actual on-demand digital workshop type thing you can go through and there's six steps that you can go through. But, and really the reason I put that together was I feel like every time I'm talking to people, I'm like, here's where we start. You know there's no right way or wrong way to do this. It's just the do something message that you were giving earlier. And so I really think about it in kind of three different buckets. It's really getting to know yourself which I call me search. So research about me. I think the other part is really getting in tune with your emo, the way that you operate and how you show up what actions you're, you're doing each and every day that you're either aware of, or you might not be aware of that are just kind of autopilot type stuff, and really understand where your energy is showing up, where it's being drained in those situations.

And then the third part is really understanding the air you're breathing and yes. Okay. The air, the oxygen sure, but really all the messages and all the influences that are coming in and permeating your internal environment of how you operate each and every day, having an understanding of how to really curate that, so it can really support you. So my favorite part is the research part, because I think it's one of the most beautiful things you can give yourself is permission to get to know yourself. It's 

I like still can't quite understand how as a kid, I said this, like I very vividly remember as a kid in I lived in a condo with my mom. My parents were divorced when I was three. And so it was me and my mom living in the condo. And I remember I had my own little bathroom and I would get it. I'd be looking in the mirror and I'd be like the only person that has to live with every decision you make every day, your life is looking at you right now, the person that has to, you know, you have to answer to the person that you get to hang out with. That's the person in the mirror right there. 

And I really encourage people to allow yourself to actually see all the beautiful nuances, the scars, the beauty marks, the, you know, the wrinkles, all the, all the things that have shown you, what is uniquely you and how you've lived your life. Like get to know them and love them and embrace them.

And I also add this  to the mix, the beauty in holding space and honoring pain and grief, because it's what makes us human beings that can actually enjoy and live and embrace the beauty of living. Those are the things that actually add  that kind of depth to who we are as people. And so I think really allowing yourself to not be afraid of that. And I understand, trust me, I 

Monica: [00:17:16] We want to avoid it, but it comes out anyway, it comes out screaming.

Nikki: [00:17:20] It comes out screaming in ways that you don't want it too often when you're shoving it down. And this is from somebody who grew up in a, you know, an abusive, I shouldn't say physically abusive environment, but emotionally, mentally verbally abusive environment for much of my childhood. My stepfather was, was a really difficult influence.

 I've been in therapy since I was a little kid. But in the last few years, actually allowing myself to shine a light on those times that I had shoved down for so long, gives me the power back to make the decisions to operate the way that I value and who I am, not operating from wounds that I wasn't acting like existed. So I really encourage people to get to know.

The, you know, the beautiful parts and the more difficult parts and really in the more difficult parts. I know you, you had kind of living wholeheartedly last month. Understanding that to do that you have to, you have to just embrace all of who you are. Yeah. And it doesn't mean you're going to be happy about it. Doesn't mean it's going to be, you know, all the smiles and it's going to feel good, but, Oh my goodness. Does it give you so much insight into who you are.

Monica: [00:18:26] I had not, even though I spent a whole month on that theme, I never thought of it that way. Just like being whole is it's, it's both the, the good and the, the hard it's like taking the hard looks at yourself and seeing the not so pretty parts, which enable you to move forward and give you permission, I think, to define more of what really makes you who you are.

I love that you're taking that back to identity too. So knowing yourself me-search that was awesome. When you, when you talked about getting in tune with your M.O., what does that, what does that mean? 

Nikki: [00:18:57] Well, this kind of taps into a little bit of that robot mode, that autopilot mode. It's really getting to getting to allow yourself to understand how you operate in the world and how that impacts both yourself and those around you. One of the ways I think about this, and it's funny because I would say the M.O. And the air you're breathing tend to, to kind of dip in and out of each other, especially if. In our culture tends to make, you want to be more like more like assimilate with people fit in instead of stand out and be you.

So a lot of times those things can feel intertwined. And so that's why I start with, get to know yourself first, try not to put that too much in the outside world.  It's like kind of reading your own diary that you didn't know you were writing in the research part.

But the M.O. Part is how does that stuff show up? Whether it shows up that you're operating in opposition to that identity you learned all about and really understanding, okay, why, why am I doing that? How am I doing that? Witnessing and noticing is different from judging and shaming.

Yeah. And you know, I think a lot of times what we think there's this binary between being glorified and being vilified. And we do that in the outside world where we, you know, put people up on pedestals and then just do it to knock them down. But we also do that to ourselves that we're either wonderful or we're awful and really.

We're neither right in the middle. We're human. And so witnessing how those, those parts of your identity show up in the actions that you take.  The choices that you're making every day, how did those have an impact, both on your internal understanding of your identity and living out what, you know, what you want to be living out in your passion and your purpose, but also how did they create those energetic exchanges, but also like reciprocal exchanges with those around you.

And so that's kind of the M.O. Part is really understanding and witnessing yourself and how you show up in the world.  

Monica: [00:20:45] Again, seeing the hole, and then, you know, part of that too, you talked about understanding the air you're breathing. And so that's just where other people's expectations may be and shoulds are coming into play. What you believe about yourself and your possibility? What else am I missing there? 

Nikki: [00:21:01] I like to use the word influences as well. So the things that are influencing the way that you're living in your life, and so the external forces programming or conditioning, so socialization and conditioning that you get, whether it's  those types of things that we get so early, before we even know we're making conscious choices or it's stuff like you see on TV. . So I think that that part of how, how you think about. Who am I, how am I showing up in the world? And also how is the world showing up around me and how is that influencing the way I look back at my decisions and, and my identity.

 And here's the other thing, all of this can feel like such a huge bite to take, right? Yes. If this isn't a one-stop shop, this isn't like a five minute thing, but that the on-demand program I talked to you about was really about me research part. It was really about giving yourself some kind of fun, light and airy ways.

It's just start tapping into it. I always tell people to think about it like your own little science experiment. Allow yourself to just gather data around you and test a little things, dip a toe in the water when you want to try and do, you know, make an action a little bit differently here, or witness yourself showing up in some value or strength that you have.

You don't need to like decide one day. Okay. I'm going to shift all of this and expect for yourself to show up as a different person tomorrow. It's literally, again, it's about that progress. It's about that path. It's not about the mountain top. It's about the steps, the next best step you're taking to get to the path that you need to take. 

Monica: [00:22:24] And this goes back to something you brought up earlier is, is trust how that's such an essential part of the process and the path that like these little uncoverings that you're doing. Well, they're necessary one, because I think they help you really spot the seeds of passions that you can then, you know stroke and try to get it to, you know, go into a full flame there, but also it helps you anchor into knowing there's more out there. And then the trust factor has to come in, right? Like this is all out amounting to something. What do you have to say about trust? 

Nikki: [00:22:56] Oh, so much. I will say that trust is, is a word that I feel like I'm in a wrestling match with a lot of times in my own personal self-development type journey. It's a beautiful thing. It's a tricky thing. It's a word that you've heard. A lot in your life, but it isn't always something that has been rewarded for you to be paying attention to your own version of self-trust. A lot of it has been to trust everything outside of yourself to lead you in the right direction and not to trust what's inside you.

And so that word again, like I was saying, if people use a word in a bunch of different ways, it has a different meaning. So. Really for me, what I've been doing lately has been really trying to foster that sense of self trust and trusting that those kind of those embodied feelings, the things when your body is showing up for you, that your mind doesn't have to convince it otherwise that you can actually believe in what your gut is telling you.

You can believe in yourself and, and honor the fact that like you are who you are. And that is enough from the jump. Like there is nothing else you have to do to make yourself worthy and enough than to just be a person. Because they think a lot of times we have designated our trust and our worthiness and our belief that we are a viable influence or thought pro you know, thought leader in our own brains to external accolades or certifications or receipts elsewhere instead to actually be like, Hey, you know what?

I know what I've lived. I am the expert in my life. I've lived in every, again, the little kid in the mirror. I've lived my life today. I know so much about myself. The more I can learn about myself, the better, and to witness myself operating in alignment with the things I've learned, gives me more trust, witnessing myself, even when you're falling, even when you're stumbling, falling in your face and making a big mistake, witnessing yourself, stumble and fall, survive it, right.

And even feel the pain. Had the scrapes, all that stuff and get back up. I think a lot of times we skip, we say, Oh, when you, the whole conversations about, you know, failure is like, keep failing and then you fail nine times, just get up a 10th. Great. But like we forget about the whole like, fail your cut up. Things hurt. You need to grieve. You need to hold space. You need to care for yourself. You need to allow for you to really feel like you are sturdy enough to get back up again. And that after you fall, that you're going to not forget that you fell the last time, just trusting all those things that show up that you don't necessarily need to just again, Flip a switch and now you're fine. But all of these things are part of the beautiful fabric that becomes who you are, and those are the things that help you inform your decisions.   I have spent so much of my life when I was trying to be the best version of what somebody else thought and saw. I was trying to reason myself away from my gut, always.

And so what happens in that is you're kind of operating on fear.  You're trying to, you know, set up a wonderful case against your gut the whole time. And so what I would also say, as we're talking about this stuff is to allow yourself that time and that space to feel through the kind of icky feelings, which might be fear, which at this point for me, I've kind of befriended the icky feelings.

Because I feel like they have so much more to teach me because I've avoided them for so long. But to allow those things, to run their course, that it's not a bad thing for you to feel fear. It's not a bad thing, especially for women on here. It's not a bad thing for you to feel anger. Anger has so much to teach you and allow yourself to have that go through your body and teach you what it has to teach you. Because on the other side of it, there's so much wisdom that you've been holding the whole time, but you haven't been able to look at. 

Monica: [00:26:22] Oh, that was so beautifully said I'm sitting here and I feel the passions radiating from you. I, I can see it in your eyes and like your whole body, like you talked about it.

Can you name a few of them for us just before I, I have a final question for you, but I'm curious, like if you were to name them, what would they be? , 

Nikki: [00:26:41] Passion is controlled in the smallest things.  So the values that I. Choose to embody and also have embodied my whole life, but have been trying to suppress or make them look a certain way, have been belonging, hope, freedom, understanding and acceptance, which is where all that nuance and that critical thought comes in to actually be able to ask a bunch of questions and really get down and dirty with the information and understand things.

And then finally it's connection. And so the ability to tap into those five things, I've learned about myself and do that in a way that I'm not trying to be anybody else. I'm literally just like, Hey, I'm here. I do really well at being present in the moment. 

And so a big part of all those values for me is really to tap into them and say, okay, Am I going to gut check that this fits this sure if I need to, but also I've learned that if something is about belonging, I like fireworks since I, my body go off or super excited. So I really encourage people if they're trying to figure out what, what their passion is like, try not to think that you just have to, by the end of listening to this, you're like, got it.

Allow yourself to massage it out a little bit. Allow yourself to kind of go through some of these exercises, go through those three steps of understanding who you are, how you're operating, showing up in the world. And what's going on around you and see what kind of themes to keep showing up. I would bet that they've actually been tapping it like the back of your brain for awhile.

They've been like that, that person in the back of your shoulder billing, Hey, what about this? And you're like, you're not helping me right now. I gotta get, I gotta get these 15 things done today. We can't do that right now. A lot of times, so much of these things have been showing up in your life over and over again.

And they're wonderful friends of yours. They might've felt like a pestering thing, but they really are  telling you, you are incredible at these things. You are meant to be here to do these things. 

Monica: [00:28:24] What I love so much about what you just listed is well, first for starters, we're in so much alignment in how we view, like the pattern of where we start and what matters and identity and all that.

But Those passions can be transplanted to so many different mediums.  When we talk about having a passion, it's, it's, it's more about who you are than what you do specifically, because it can take on many different shapes and it can be adapted to many different seasons. It's never about one definable thing.

So I love all of what you just shared because it can be that way. And that's what I really hope women can leave with is that also gives you permission again, to look deeper, like we talked about, so that you can figure out what those seeds are, what are the themes, the things I've been knocking on the back of your head for your whole life and really lean into them.

And. Cultivate and see where it leads you. I know it just went on my own little rant about that, but, Nikki, this has just been fabulous. I think we're passionate about a lot of the same things. And I always like to ask my guests a final question, what are you working on right now? Personal development wise. 

Nikki: [00:29:29] So one is that trust that self-trust and I have what I've learned about myself in this process is that in this process of, so I started my own business five years ago.

So I feel like when you're starting your own business, you're, you're getting to know yourself a level that, you know, you're going to know  and when I work with women on their leadership stuff, A lot of people are like, well, you know, I'm not trying to be a leader.

I'm like, but you you're leading your life. So either way, whether you have a business or not, once you start investing in the business of you, you're going to start really uncovering a whole bunch of things. And I think a big, big part of that is really trusting those parts of yourself that you shut off or shunned away.

So for me, in particular, I have been standing in the way. I've been like holding the door back from me being able to really activate so many great things that I know are on the other side and I've allowed some of them to come through. But I believe that again, we're in a progress state, so there's definitely so much more to come through.

So that trust piece is a huge part of it. The other part of this it's like, I feel like I'm going back to, like, I don't know, 16 year old me, but I have like detached from my body. And I think a lot of women, at some point in their lives, it could be much earlier than that, detached from their bodies.

And so much of what I talked about was like so much wisdom coming from your body. But if you've like detached or numbed yourself from it, for whatever reason, if it's a traumatic experience or literally just like 17 magazine telling you all the things that are wrong with you from the jump, like there, it makes a lot of sense that we as women don't necessarily honor the amazing power that we have in our bodies. And so one of the, one of the things that I'm focusing on this year the  amazing facilitator and leader  Elizabeth Di Alto who does work and embodiment.

And so I've been really tapping into her work around the wild soul movement is where it starts. She Also does a lot of work around like  body movement and really getting to know like what the sensation of like your hand on your face feels like, like it's not, it's not some, you know, majorly, revolutionary thing that's super difficult to do, but it's a majorly revolutionary thing for your mind and your belief in yourself.

If you are anything like me, where you have separated yourself from your body And so that those two things, I would say the kind of self-trust work has been, it's been huge. And, and really getting tapping back into what is the well of wisdom of my body has been super important. And with all that for my business, my hope is to actually revamp this business in a way that aligns with those things, rather than trying to.

I find myself doing, especially in moments we were talking about, if you're that woman who's sitting there, like, where am I supposed to find the time for this? Like when I'm in that moment, I just like locked back into what I call corporate Nikki mode. So if you start going back to kind of auto-pilot survival instinct stuff, it's really hard to honor those values.

It's really hard to honor those passions because. You put a lot of times, at least for me, I put those things last. And so it's been really trying to be intentional about how do I set up my business? And if you don't have a business, how do you set up your day, your life, your priorities in your mind? How do you set up your relationships and how you balance duties within your home so that you can honor those values and those passions, because really those are the things that will lift everybody up around you. Not just you. 

Monica: [00:32:41] No better way to end than that. Nikki, this has been such an enjoyable conversation. I would love to have you back and you totally hit on some things. I'm like, yeah, I, I need to work on that embodiment. We actually are going to have an interview with someone, a therapist on that in a few months.

So I'll, I'll let you know when it's out and I'm going to look up Elizabeth Di Alto too, to kind of look into her work too. Where should people go? Who are interested in and seeing how you are unfolding and, and you know, what you, how you'll pivot to and all of that, or should they go. 

Nikki: [00:33:11] Well, I will say this, if you are a podcast listener, which hello, I'm assuming you are, I have a podcast called Checkbox Other we did, I didn't even know how many interviews get a bunch of interviews with amazing people talking about the times in their life, where they feel like they don't fit in a specific box or category. So if it's something you're interested in, I definitely encourage you to go Check Box Other It's all based on the times in my life where racially ambiguous, so many aspects of who I am, I call myself a hybrid human.

I had to check that box "other" when people are telling me that I need to pick one thing that defines who I am. So for the podcasters on the same podcast world, definitely having listened to that, I would love for your ears in there. Nikki innocent.com. So Nikki with two Ks in an i and an innocent, which is the opposite of guilty that's where you can find me on the internet.

And then also on social media, I have at Nikki innocent and all the things. So I would love to hear from you on an, on my website, you can sign up for the newsletter. So you get information from us when new stuff is coming out. 

Monica: [00:34:03] Great. I can't wait. I can't wait to see, like how, you know, I'm guilty of putting the cart before the horse all the time I go into corporate Monica mode. Now that you said that I've never been in the corporate world, corporate Monica has reigned a lot in my life. So I I've been thinking about that too, you know, doing the deep work and how it can translate in all ways from business to time management, to parenting all the things. So again, I'm just so grateful for you and this friendship that we've, we've cultivated over the internet and I'm grateful you'd be on. So thank you.

Nikki: [00:34:30] Thank you. You, I am like so joyous and thank you for all of you for taking the time to listen. I appreciate you, even though I don't know you, I can feel you through this. So thank you.